


hello desire, you're my old friend

by aizensosuke



Series: the dreamers and the lovers [6]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, M/M, Rough Kissing, Werewolf Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 07:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aizensosuke/pseuds/aizensosuke
Summary: yumichika struggles with the reality of his situation when the pack returns from hunting. luckily, ikkaku is nothing but the perfect mate even when he doesn't have all the answers.





	hello desire, you're my old friend

When the resident troublemaker returns in from the cold, Ayasegawa Yumichika is the one to catch her under her arms, swinging her up into his arms and dusting snowflakes out of her soft pink hair. Yachiru giggles up at him, her crimson eyes flashing with joy as she snuggles into his arms, her sweet soft baby scent drawing a sigh from his lips as he wraps his arms tighter around her. It will always be hard, he supposes, no matter how long he handles this. How long he tells himself it doesn’t matter, their pack has enough children that he can care for by proxy.

He never wanted a family anyway. Not before he didn’t have the option anymore. It seems like such a strange thing to care about, in the grand scheme of things.

Zaraki Kenpachi, pack alpha and Yachiru’s father, lumbers in after her with the men he’d taken with him on the hunt. “Sorry, Yumi. She got away from us again.”

“It’s fine. You know I don’t mind.” Yumichika beams up at his alpha, happy for Yachiru’s warm and reassuring weight in his arms. “You do what you need to do and I’ll watch her for you.”

“You sure?” Kenpachi eyes him, lips pressed into a thin line. With the firelight behind them and the cold winter night outside, the scars on his face stand out even more than usual. “I’m not gonna make you watch my kid if you don’t want to. I’m not that kind of alpha.”

Yumichika huffs at him. “I know that. I like watching her. She’s my niece, right, Yachi?”

“Yes!” Yachiru bounces in his arms and Yumichika’s heart is warm at the sight, the way her eyes glitter up at him as she wraps her arms tight around her neck. “Yun-Yun is the best uncle.”

“Exactly. See, she wants to stay with me.” Yumichika presses his cheek to the top of her head, sending Kenpachi a meaningful look over the top of her head. “I’ve got her. Go do what you need to do. We’re going to get warm in front of the fire.”

He can smell the familiar scent of warm meat from here and assumes the hunt must have been successful; Kenpachi tips him a wink and slips back outside with the others, most likely to strip the carcasses and separate the meat from the bone. Yumichika sighs and looks down at Yachiru, pressing their foreheads together as he carries her closer to the flames raging in the fireplace, their crackling warmth a relief from the winter chill. It’s never been his favorite season, for a variety of reasons. Being cold is only the easiest excuse to use.

While most packs don’t live in one singular building, the Zaraki compound is different. Placed high on a mountain and built to sustain the harsh conditions that living at this elevation comes with, the space is home. Even Yumichika, the newest member of the pack, is happily welcomed into the pile of bodies already lounging in front of the fire.

He picks up the familiar scent of a certain alpha and is prepared when said alpha kneels down behind him, arms slipping around his waist, cool lips pressing a chilly kiss to the side of his neck. It makes him break out in goosebumps. “Sorry for being gone so long.”

“It’s fine. You were out hunting with the pack.” Yumichika tilts his head, meeting his mate’s eyes and offering him a reassuring smile. “You know I really don’t mind such a thing.”

“You should come witih us next time, you know. Kenpachi doesn’t make any omega stay here if they don’t want to.” Madarame Ikkaku raises his eyebrows at him, but Yumichika shakes his head. “All right. Up to you, love. I’m going to go help the boss clean up the kills.”

Watching his mate’s retreating back, Yumichika sinks deeper into the piles of blankets, furs, and pillows in front of the fire, letting Yachiru curl up on his chest. He should be grateful, he thinks. When he was found bleeding out in the snow and certain his life was forfeit, all for stepping out of place, he never expected to find a pack. A home. A mate.

He should be focusing on what he has and not what he lost. Losing his old pack really means nothing to him; they were cold and cruel and no matter how he tried to prove that he could do anything the alphas could do, he was constantly told to get back into place. Living under the constant threat of having some alpha pull status over him left him cold and broken long before they were attacked. The hunters should have been easy to take care of.

They weren’t. Yumichika can still see it in his nightmares, the splay of his own dark fur in the snow, even blacker where blood matted it. Staining the snow beneath him, melting it.

“Yun-Yun?” Yachiru touches his cheek and he hums, looking down at her, at her small and concerned face. “You smell funny. Are you thinking about the bad things again?”

Yumichika picks up a blanket to wrap her up in, pressing his cheek against hers and fanning her with his scent to calm her. “No, sweetheart. Don’t you worry about me. I just don’t like it when it’s cold and snowy outside. You know I have trouble staying warm.”

“I love the snow!” Yachiru presses her tiny cold hand to his cheek and he shivers, taking it between his fingers, huffing hot breath against her tiny fingers. “It’s so pretty outside.”

“Is it? Maybe I’ll let you show me in the morning.” He won’t, and she’ll have forgotten by then, but it makes her smile and snuggle into his chest just the same.

Taking care of Yachiru in particular is a dual-edged blade. He adores her; she had been at his bedside when he first woke up here, wrapped in bandages and sick with fever. She’d looked like a tiny angel and, according to her father, watched over him faithfully because she felt it was her duty to protect him since she was the one who first found him. He doubts she remembers that, though; she’s young, and children forget things so easily when they’re so small.

But it just reminds him that this is as close to having a child of his own as he’s going to get. When Unohana knelt at his side— on loan from a pack down the mountain when Ikkaku conveyed just how bad of shape Yumichika was in— and told him of the damage done to his body, he felt nothing. It mattered so little to him. The idea that his body could no longer function the way it was biologically meant to felt like an adequate  _ fuck you _ to his former pack, who caged him based on what he was supposed to do and their expectations of him. Omegas are meant to breed and care for children, nothing more and nothing less.

The fact he no longer had that ability was something to be celebrated. At least until Ikkaku. At least until there was finally an alpha that Yumichika would have wanted a family with.

“You smell weird,” Ikkaku tells him when he finally comes to join him, freshly bathed but still smelling like the outdoors, like the hunt and the thrill of the kill. It’s not a bad scent. “What’s going on? You thinking about last year again? Or did Yachi say something?”

Yumichika sighs and leans into his mate’s arms, trying to ignore that vacant longing in his gut that he thought would never happen. It wasn’t supposed to be a problem. “Neither. I’m just thinking too much tonight. Did you all have fun? You smell like you did.”

“I don’t know why you don’t want to come with us. I told you a long time ago we don’t tell omegas they can’t hunt.” Ikkaku noses behind his ear and Yumichika giggles, swatting at his chest lightly. “You’d have so much fun. Your wolf form is so beautiful at night especially.”

The comment has Yumichika preening, leaning back just a bit more so he can kiss his mate on the jaw. “Thank you. Maybe I will. But not right now. I need some time to work through this.”

Kenpachi comes to retrieve Yachiru and Yumichika hands her over with no small amount of regret, watching him carefully tuck her into the crook of his arm before he takes her off to bed for the night. He expects to fall asleep in front of the fire and makes a vague sound of protest when Ikkaku gathers him up in his arms, then quiets, always happy to be carried. They only end up in their own bedroom roughly half the time; it was Ikkaku’s, with Yumichika usually just sleeping with the pack. That changed over the spring when Ikkaku began courting him.

“Talk to me,” he says, setting Yumichika down on their futon, extra soft from the sheer amount of bedding piled on top of it. Again, a recent addition. Ikkaku had preserved a lot of the furs from the prey he brought Yumichika, an additional present. “What’s going on with you lately?”

_ So he’s noticed, _ Yumichika thinks, tucking his hair back behind his ears and sighing softly. His alpha kneels in front of him, looking into his face with serious eyes. “I told you I didn’t mind at the time if I couldn’t conceive children. It wasn’t important to me, not having the chance anymore. When my entire life was built around the idea I’d eventually be nothing but a vaguely wolf-shaped uterus, I was almost happy to not be able to have children.”

Ikkaku exhales softly. “And now you wish that you could? You know kids aren’t really a big deal to me. I’d rather play uncle for Yachi than have any of my own.”

“I know that. It’s probably just a result of my upbringing.” Yumichika shakes his head; it’s only been a year. A long, tumultuous year of change for him, so he’s still growing and learning how to live with no one trying to predetermine his fate. “I almost wish that we could, though. Have children, even if it means being laid up in bed for months when I get too tired.”

“I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.” The slight distress in his alpha’s scent tells Yumichika just how worried he is even though it’s really nothing much to worry about.

Yumichika almost feels bad for worrying him at all. “It’s nothing to be concerned about! I just can’t seem to shake the thoughts, that’s all. Sometimes I look down at Yachiru and I wonder what it would be like if we had a cub or two of our own to take care of.”

“A pain. That’s why Kenpachi foists her off on you every time he gets half a chance,” Ikkaku says without hesitation, and Yumichika laughs, covering his mouth with his hands. Of course it’s not true, but it makes him smile just the same. “I wish I knew what I could do to take your mind off of it. You’re not… You’re a perfect omega just the way you are, y’know? The fierce and independent omega I fell in love with. That I still haven’t learned to deserve.”

“Hush. You’re a good man. You treat me better than any other man ever has.” Yumichika presses his hands to the sides of Ikkaku’s face, pulling him closer so he can kiss him.

It’s true, in more ways than Ikkaku can know. No alpha had ever treated him with respect, or as a person, before Ikkaku came along and offered to show him a world that seemed impossible to him at the time. The idea that any alpha could respect him as a partner was ridiculous and a risk not to take. He’s glad he took the risk. This is the one thing he’s never regretted.

Ikkaku presses him back onto the futon they share, sinking down on top of him, all warm weight and muscle beneath his clothes. He smells like pine and cedar, like the rich scents right outside of the compound so that Yumichika never feels far from home as long as Ikkaku is at his side. Even now he’s not forceful, cradling Yumichika’s face in one hand, the other cupping the back of his neck with a tenderness such rough, callused hands shouldn’t be able to manage.

Another alpha would have looked down at him, called him damaged and broken, no good and not useful if he couldn’t bear children. They would have scoffed at the scars still visible on his abdomen, the one part of his body that chafes his pride. Yumichika prides himself on being beautiful even in this pack, where everyone seems just a little wild, a little rough around the edges; he stands out, beautiful and sleek and put-together, and he  _ likes that _ about himself.

There is no disguising the scars etched into his skin. They go deeper than skin, too.

“If you want children, we’ll have them,” Ikkaku tells him, and Yumichika flinches because he  _ can’t _ , hasn’t gone into heat in a year. There’s just… Nothing there now. “Traditionally, we can’t. That’s true. But we can adopt. We find cubs in the woods all the time.”

The sad reality of that takes Yumichika’s breath away; Yachiru had been one of those cubs, a tiny thing not even able to speak yet, tripping over her own paws. Kenpachi had brought her home, according to what the pack said, and refused to talk about where he found her and made everyone swear not to mention the blood on her hands.

“Unless it’s a genetic thing in which case…” Ikkaku shrugs helplessly, and his scent is powerfully sad. “I wish I could do something for you. I feel like I’m failing you by not having an answer.”

“You weren’t the one who hurt me. Don’t feel guilty.” Yumichika kisses him on the forehead, wraps Ikkaku in his arms and his own sweeter scent. “Keep me warm. Winter makes me feel so cold. Keep me warm like you did when I woke up and found you next to me.”

He settles his full weight on top of Yumichika’s body, and Yumichika spreads his legs a little to accommodate the man atop him. “I remember that. You hurt yourself trying to beat me off of your bed with a pillow. And I wasn’t even in human form, what was I going to do?”

“I didn’t know. I just knew a strange alpha was in bed next to me.” Yumichika giggles at the memory. He doesn’t recall the pain; such a thing can’t be remembered, but he remembers his mobility being limited, the bandages rustling against his shirt. Not even his, because it was borrowed. It was Ikkaku’s, and he hadn’t known it.

_ I think he bled for you the entire damn time you were getting patched up, _ Kenpachi told him after he accepted Ikkaku’s courtship and was so, so close to letting the man into his heart for real.  _ Idiot. He brought you home and I’d never seen him so shaken in his life. When he saw your face I think it fucking killed him. Alpha instinct or whatever. _

When Yumichika pressed, Ikkaku joked maybe he’d fallen just a little bit in love with an omega so brave and beautiful and fierce he’d take on a hunter all on his own, and win.

“I was just keeping you warm. You’d lost so much blood that you were so cold.” Ikkaku noses the side of his neck, where the mating mark he’d left with his teeth during the warmest part of spring still resides to this day. “You were warm that day, though. In the flowers.”

“Mm, I was.” Warm enough to be talked out of his clothes. It’s maybe just a little more traditional, letting his alpha take him for the first time in the wildflowers, shielded from prying eyes only by the long grass. “When spring comes, perhaps we can recreate that once more.”

Ikkaku sighs against his throat. “I’d love to. Yumi… Do you want a family? Of our own?”

“I do,” Yumichika confesses and tries to ignore the twinge behind his ribs that their children wouldn’t come from his body, born of their love for one another. “I know you don’t mind, I didn’t think I cared. But I do care. Maybe it’s because I finally found an alpha worth having a family with. That’s probably got something to do with it.”

“Just remember that if you change your mind, then I’m not going to press the issue.” Ikkaku kisses him swiftly, fingers brushing his hair back off of his forehead. “But if you do… We’ll find a way. Because I’d raise a family with you at my side. Without even thinking twice about it.”

The words make Yumichika squirm in pleasure and he pulls Ikkaku back down on top of him, kissing him fervently as he winds a leg around his waist and presses up into him. Of course his mate gives just as good as he gets, pressing Yumichika down into their futon as he claims his mouth in a hungry kiss, devouring him until Yumichika whimpers, dizzy from the pressure of his mouth, his teeth, and his tongue. Ikkaku’s scent grows sharper, invades his senses.

There’s never any hesitation when Ikkaku touches him like this, kisses him like this, blankets him with his body and takes him like this. In his eyes, Yumichika isn’t damaged. He isn’t broken. He isn’t less than, because his biological purpose has been rendered impossible. Instead, Ikkaku looks down at him like Yumichika is the only part of his world that matters, like maybe finding Yumichika that night was the best thing that happened to  _ both _ of them.

Yumichika would like to think that’s the truth. And Ikkaku seems intent to prove it, chasing him with kisses and touches that breathe life throughout his body.

Truly, Ikkaku is the only alpha worthy of him.

**Author's Note:**

> remember when i said i was going to make a series that goes with the byaren omegaverse i'm already writing? this is the start of that series. the stories are linked together under the series title, and if you do the subscribe thing to stay updated with what i post (i'm sorry first off) then subscribe to the series, not this fic.
> 
> i feel bad for doing this to yumi, he's a big favorite of mine, but alas.


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